I will never forget the time I ended up in the ER. I was 15 years old and I remember my dad having to carry me down the stairs of our apartment because I was losing consciousness. My dad placed me in my mom’s car and was rushed to the hospital.
The next several events that took place I have little to no recollection. I remember my parents helping me into the ER and then quickly getting whisked to a back room. Then I fell asleep, well I blacked out. I remember waking up and feeling this throb in my upper thigh. I needed an IV and they couldn’t find a vein because I was so dehydrated. The IV ended up in my upper inner thigh and I remember thinking had I been awake seeing the sheer sight of a needle there would have made me pass out!
I was quickly emitted to the hospital and I was there for 9 days. We quickly found out that my kidneys were failing and my pancreas was also not working properly. Forgive me my two parents are medical, but I am not and I don’t know all the proper medical terms, but I think you get the picture here. To be honest I was scared. I wasn’t scared of the hospital so much, but I was scared of what was happening to me. When I heard that my kidneys were failing I thought I was also going to lose my legs and my ability to dance! I was a ballerina and this is all I could think about.
My parents were recently separated and it was really nice having them both and for a little while, it felt like we were a family again. So I am sure you are wondering how I ended up in the ER by now and the answer is I am the reason. I had been anorexic for over a year at this point and my body had decided it had enough and was starting to shut down. The reason I was so dehydrated was that I no longer could keep food or even water down. Everything I tried to eat or drink was causing me to throw up. I felt like I was dying for over a week. The pain my body felt was unbearable before the day my dad carried me down the stairs. When I look back this is still the worse physical and mental pain I have ever experienced even over the pain of childbirth!
I am sharing this story because this is the foundation of my faith. This is where my faith in God began. This is more about a trip to the ER, this is when I surrendered to God for the first time and began my journey with Jesus. I will never forget the miracle he performed for me. I remember so many details from this time in my life and it was all very scary to the point I almost needed either a kidney transplant or dialysis for the rest of my life! I prayed to God and gave my situation over to Him and he restored me and my kidneys. This all happened so quickly I went from 13% kidney function to about 80% in a matter of like two days. I knew it was God’s grace. I wasn’t going to lose my legs and I would be able to dance again.
When I left the hospital the road to recovery was not easy. Anorexia like any disorder is very alluring and deceptive. I knew it was going to take time to heal and to start making better choices. So the first thing that I knew I had to do was to make the difficult decision to stop dancing. I trained since the age of three and I really was aiming for a career as a ballerina. This was hard for me, but I don’t regret the decision I made. I knew this was the first step and the right thing for me to do and God has blessed that decision ever since. I never relapsed or needed to be hospitalized again and I have enjoyed maintaining a healthy lifestyle ever since.
Now that I am a Mother of two beautiful girls I want to be a good example for them. I am very open about this part of me and someday I hope to share this story with them. Today I am concentrating on being a good role model because I know they are watching me and my behavior every day. I strongly believe if I have a healthy self-esteem this will help them with theirs. But even more so, they have a God that loves them more than anything and will always be there for them.