motherly feels

Hi, we are in the month of May and lately my motherly feels have been on overload! I think I might have a little baby fever going on too, but that is another story! I have been looking back and reminiscing about when I carried and had our two beautiful daughters. The first time I held my first born daughter outside of my pregnant belly and in my arms I fell deeply and completely in love. My husband and I had made the very difficult decision to wait and not find out the sex of our baby. I say difficult because it was for all parties combined, for us, our family and even the ultrasound technician. We had to constantly remind her nicely please, we don’t want to find out!

When I delivered the doctor asked my husband, “well dad is it a boy or a girl’? He proclaimed, proudly “it’s a girl!” I responded with, “oh my little Clara” with absolutely no hesitation. All through my pregnancy I imagined holding a baby girl and then when my instincts were confirmed it was a feeling way beyond words.

Fast forward a bit Clara has taught both of us so much. She is a feeler and has such a big heart. She has always thought of others and I just love this about her. I could even see some of these characteristics starting to bloom in her as a toddler. I have learned that I can be the empathetic mom I have always dreamed of being.

We recently like over the weekend recently moved our two girls out from sharing a room for the last two years to going back to having their own separate rooms with their own space again. Just last night I am tucking them into bed and normally Clara requests either her dad or myself to snuggle with her and this is going to sound terrible, but sometimes I just don’t wanna! The days are long, I’m normally just done and don’t want to mom anymore if I’m totally honest. Well this time she didn’t ask me, I asked her because I realized she’s got a “big girl” room now and pretty soon she will not be asking me to snuggle anymore. I soaked this moment up and we talked and laughed and she even gave me an opportunity to be empathetic. 

When we decided to get pregnant again we believe we even know like down to the day when she was conceived! Ya I know sorry tmi, but God has such a great sense of humor and we love this detail and it always makes us laugh. So exactly 11 months after having Clara we were pregnant again with baby #2. We were convinced we were having a boy this time and we even decided to find out the gender. When we were told congratulations you are having another girl we were kinda shocked. Don’t get me wrong we were not the least bit disappointed we were only in shock for like 5 minutes!

So then there were two and Luci was and still is an easy baby. She is 4 1/2 years old, but I still call her my baby. Luci is quiet and sweet and our little observer. She notices even the tiniest of details. She has taught me to learn when to back off and to be more tender and nurturing. Let me tell ya this has not always come natural. I have had to learn from my mistakes of when I have somehow hurt her feelings without meaning to. I love that I can look her in her big, beautiful eyes and hold her two little hands in mine and tell her I’m sorry honey will you forgive me? I love my two beautiful daughters and I am so privileged to be their mom.first pregnancyholding Clara in my bellyholding Clara in my armslil Lucithen there were two

xo, Nicole