Maybe you have heard of the mom club or finding your tribe, but have you heard of the lonely hearts club? I have learned so much in the last 6 years of being a mom and I love the community of women God has placed in my life. However I can’t always say that I have felt this way.
When I became a mom heck even before I became a mom I had this wonderful idea that I would just naturally meet other mom’s and live in this harmonious mom life with other women. I dreamt of the moms club, you know the special group of women you could lean on, laugh with and probably more than anything cry with about all the new mom things like, why is it so hard to pump breast milk and why doesn’t my child want to nap?
I so desired a group of other mom’s to talk to, raise our children together and to encourage and lift each other up when it was needed. I never imagined the position that I had found myself in as a new mom and honestly it was lonely. I felt like I was in a club of one all by myself, the lonely hearts club.
I imagined, desired even that the women I was closest to, the women I went to church with would be my mom club. Most of us were even in the same season of motherhood as all of our children were about the same age and got along great. However we were not all in the same season of life. Most of them worked outside the home or didn’t have the same desire to spend time together. You may even wonder if I ever spoke up to any of these friends and the answer is, yes I did. Sadly though my heart was still lonely and nothing really changed after that.
So years went by like this, my heart hurt almost everyday and I often cried out to God about it. Why God, why is this so hard? Change me it must be me? God I know you can fill any void please fill this void in my life. I think one of the best things I did during this frustrating, painful time was going to a counselor. My husband is my best friend and usually my sounding board for many things, but this particular pain in my life was proving quickly to be harmful to our marriage. I didn’t realize it right away, but counseling was the right move and a huge help during this lonely time in my life.
Counseling has always taught me many things and I have been able to heal so much from my past. I am a big believer in healing your past because I don’t believe one can really move forward otherwise. In my experience sweeping things under the rug or pretending something didn’t happen does not work and it will always come back in some way to affect you. I am also a big believer in allowing God into these areas, these dark places of our lives. I do the work and He brings the healing. Thank you Jesus!
If I can fast forward a bit now and tell you well what has changed and what is different about me now? I would say, having someone to talk to and having a safe place to cry at times was a huge lifesaver. I learned a lot more about myself and even a few other areas where this was affecting me too. However she didn’t have the answer, the key to this mom club I was looking for. She instead posed a few questions on me like maybe you need to broaden your scope a bit, meaning I didn’t realize it, but I was sort of looking for my exact same situation in someone else! Wow I totally was because I thought this was the best way to relate to another mom. So between good counsel and continuing to wait on God I have found a lot more peace and I have noticed little by little this does not hurt me as much as it did when I first became a mom.
I know this may sound cheesy, but I started to let go and let God because it was truly the only way out. God never really gave me completely what I wanted, but He did give me a heart for other women and for other moms. This is why I am sharing this with you because my hope is that if you are feeling like a member of the lonely hearts club and felt like this as a first time mother, you are not alone. You are never alone! God knows what hurts our hearts and He cares for our desires. There may not always be an answer or a solution, but I do believe He gets us through if we let Him. I also want to open this up if you are a hurting mom and need prayer. Please don’t hesitate to message me. You can find my email here.
“Would not God find this out? For He knows the secrets of the heart.” –Psalms 44:21 NASB
“Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in me.” –John 14:1 NASB
“in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things.” -1 John 3:20 NASB
“May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ.” –2 Thessalonians 3:5 NASB